


Then There Was Nothing

by DarkSkyesRising



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Dean is In Over His Head, Dean is So Done, Depression, Emotionally Hurt Dean, Fighting the Good Fight, Forever Alone, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt No Comfort, Living is Worse Than Hell, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-03 02:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8692990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkSkyesRising/pseuds/DarkSkyesRising
Summary: Another short! I might add on to this.. I don't think I can leave it this way.





	1. Chapter 1

Depression hits him like a raging wild fire. Burning his flesh, slowly, until all that's felt is pain. 'No pain, no gain.' He thinks to himself. The walls of his sanity cave in on him over and over again until he gives in. His heart is the meaning of agony. 'Maybe this is how it's meant to be.'

Suicidal thoughts are dangerous. Especially is his line of work. A small ounce of weakness could be the death of, not only him, but everyone else he loves. They weren't with him now though. They never really were. The pain is so overwhelming that he doesn't stop the thoughts when they come. His time is coming anyway, why not move things along. If he wanted, he could even have a painless death. Make his body numb and relaxed. That's not how it worked though, and he knew it. 

His body is tired of fighting, so he just gives in. The fire burns stronger, brighter, and he just lays there, legs tucked up under his arms, and lets the pain take him.

He knows he's trapped in himself. There's no escaping the sting of the darkness, the silence, the loneliness. No one can save him. 'I deserve this. I wanted this. I chose this.'

Maybe though, things could have been different. If he hadn't have sold his soul then maybe he wouldn't feel this way. But he did, and it was worth it. So now he just waits. waits to be torn apart and destroyed. Waits for the small relief that death will give him before he's dragged to the bottomless pits of hell. The pain will be worse then. There was no denying that. The demon even told him so. What he was feeling now didn't, would never compare to what he will face in hell. 

The sound of claws scratching the floor behind the door in front of him forced him deeper into the pain. Accepting the darkness in hopes he wouldn't realize he was dying while the hounds tore his body to shreds. 

"Cas," Hoping the former angel, his only friend, could hear him. Knowing that his voice couldn't be heard by anyone but his self. His weak body started to shake as he remembered that it was worth it. If Cas hadn't fallen. If he hadn't died, Dean wouldn't have sold his soul to be with him for eternity. Cas was worth this though. He died before Dean had even told him how he really felt.  
"I love you." He said as a growl sounded behind him. Warm air and paws trotting around his body. Teeth sinking into his flesh, and the pain he hid himself in wasn't as bad as he initially thought. 

Then there was nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

He was told that hell was your greatest sin. At least that's what Dantes Inferno implies. The reality though, is that it's your greatest fear. You know, the thing that keeps you up at night. The real monsters under your bed are all in your head.

His was being alone with nothing but the voices in his head telling him what a failure he was.  
How he wasn't worth it.  
Nobody would fight for him.  
Nobody wanted him.

That's exactly what he had going for him right now. That and the torture.  
The pain, when it came, would be something that any living person would die from. Luckily for him, heavy sarcasm here, he was already dead.

Until one day, he wasnt. He was buried in a coffin 6 feet under maybe more, with almost no memory of hell. How he got out of that coffin to dig his way out of the earth was beyond him. There's no way it would've been possible, not for a human anyway.

Then there's sunlight blinding him and fresh air filling his lungs and even though the pain is mostly gone, the thoughts still remain. 

He is still a failure. 

He was pulled out of hell twice. A handprint overlapping the first one, from Cas, proved that theory. So he yelled for him. Standing in the middle of no where, next to his grave, he put everything he had into trying to convince his angel to come to him. To hug him. To kiss him. 

To love him. 

He wanted solidity. He needed a sturdy foundation to rest his frazzled mind upon. A shoulder to lean on. 

Who appeared before him wasn't Castiel. Instead it was Gabriel. Sad eyes and sad words that told Dean that Cas was still gone. Why would they bring him back for this? Gabriel gave up trying to convince him. 

To tell him why.

He left Dean yelling himself hoarse for his angel.

And he did.

He yelled and cried out and screamed until his voice was gone.  
Until his heart was nothing. 

Castiel never came.


End file.
